Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
