only if we run a train.
done.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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