addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize