im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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