Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
