Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We have started to decorate penises.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
