At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize