he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
