I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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