umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
