I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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