WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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