You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
