Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
