I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
