I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
