Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
