you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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