but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
