While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
