Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
