I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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