she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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