its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
