So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
