I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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