The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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