ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize