I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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