i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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