Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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