Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
