I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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