She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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