I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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