i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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