now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just want nice things and good sex
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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