Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
