Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
