You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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