ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize