we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
