Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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