Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
