some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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