my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
so let's talk penis.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
