Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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