He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
