I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
