im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
