waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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