I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
