"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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