What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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