You're so nebulous sometimes
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
