why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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