i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize