Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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