it glows. i had to have it.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
