Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize