how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
