marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
