On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
operation harelip BJ is a go
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
