Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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