I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
