i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
