Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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