your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
