Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
