i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize