Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
