OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
whose parrot is this?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize