He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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