i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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