dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize