I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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