my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
