the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize