He asked me if I "almost moaned"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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