I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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