I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
