Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
this boner is exhausting
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
