I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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