I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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