I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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