so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize