i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
