I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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