I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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