the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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