I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
the raccoons are back...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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