He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
