I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
