I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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