Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
