Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
