She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Can you bring me the toilet please
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
