i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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