She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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