god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize