do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
