when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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