So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
