Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize