I just pynch a tree in the face
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
