Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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